Mount Us More

by The Journeymen

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'What an album!' - God, The Almighty

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released 02 July 2013

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The Journeymen Los Angeles, California

Country western legend Shunt McGuppin first met country western firebrand Mutt Taylor in a barroom brawl. Enter guitar great Cubby Lauderbourne and multi-instrumentalist Jimmy Blades and the rest is American history. The night ended with four broken jaws and the most marvelous country rock supergroup ever formed, The (Goddamned) Journeymen. Boogie-woogie. ... more

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Track Name: Eighteen Wheels
Hell I been haulin' some ass
Got a payment due on Tuesday
Ain't slept in three days
Hit a hobo on the tollway
Spent a long frozen night
Tryin' to dig his scalp out of my wheel well

Eighteen wheels down the road
Hot rubber on the pavement
Why don't we let's go
Try and save it
You’re a beautiful girl
Don't try and kill me while I'm sleepin'

Hell I been drivin' six straight days
Ain't had no conversation
Just shootin' what pays
Always avoidin' destitution
My old lady weighs a ton
And my daughter's turnin' tricks in Cleveland

(Chorus)

Hell you crawled into my cab
And gave me a dirty mic-check
You kept callin’ me dad
And told me to stab you like a pirate
I was choked and then punched
And you left me passed out in a toilet

(Chorus)

Hell we made it through three nights
We did a lot of dickin'
No drunk transvestites
Tryin' to squeeze a trick in
We'll part ways in Yuma
And I'll never quite forget your cleavage

(Chorus)
Track Name: Leavin' On A Dare
I like to fuck I like to screw
I drive a tractor trailer truck and think of you
I take my Coors in a paper cup
I like my whores all gussied up in powder blue

Darlin’ if I am leaving
I’m leavin’ on a dare
And sweet thing if I’m unfaithful
That doesn’t mean that I don’t care

Get on your ears light up a smoke
Hell it’s been years since I heard myself a decent Polack joke
Let’s head out west and go for broke
Gotta denim vest and a gal named Bess
That I’d like to poke

Sugar if I am leaving
Well I’m leaving on a prayer
And punkin if I’m unfaithful
That only means that life ain’t fair

Got eighteen kids in thirteen towns
Lost two to SIDS got one with Downs and an iron lung
Got eighteen wheels and thirteen gears
With heavy heels and a hate for queers that keeps me young

Darlin’ if I am leaving
Well I’m leavin’ on a dare
And sweet thing if I’m unfaithful
It doesn’t mean that I don’t care

It doesn’t mean that I don’t care
It only means that I don’t care
Track Name: American Woman (Navajo Bitch)
It's cold and the sun doesn't seem to wanna work no more
Last night hangs in my temples and my lower back is sore
There's a rustle in the blankets and your hair falls over the pillow
And somethin' tells me we're finally on the mend

American woman
Navajo bitch
Genital warming
Crotchular itch
Won't you give me some time
To take penicillin for the pain

Well there's ten bucks on the nightstand
I'll pull two hundred more
And the butt floating in the tumbler reminds me
There's no more scotch to pour
My wristwatch is still tangled in your lace brassiere
And the letter to the correction house
Says your brother's still in there

(Chorus)

Well it's time for me to find my boots and head out on the road
I would have liked to wake you but your insomnia told me no
I left your dog the cheeseburger that we shared last night
And I mailed the letter for you to that social parasite

(Chorus)

(Descent into madness)
Track Name: If Lovin' You Is Black
If lovin’ you is black then baby I don’t wanna be white
If wantin’ you is wrong then maybe I’m not right

You’re my dark malt liquor honey I’m your white-knight-cap
Let me lay you down tonight for a long wet nap

I’m doin’ double-nickels down the Flor’da Forty-Four
There ain’t no summina bitch who loves you more

If kissin’ you is queer then sunshine I ain’t whiskey straight
Let’s go get a girly drink and speculate

You’re my appletini sweetie I’m your salty dog
If needin’ you is drunk then darlin’ I can’t rhyme

I’m steppin’ sexy-sixes down the Lou’siana Line
I’m haulin’ loads of ass to make you mine

I’m your Hardy Boy sweet lover you’re my Nancy Drew
Let’s go solve the mystery of the butt tattoo

I’m shootin’ several-sevens down the Texas Twenty-Two
I’m bustin’ at the nut to get to you

I says I’m bustin’ at the nut
Bustin’ at the what
I’m dustin’ off my strut to get to you
Lustin’ at that big ass butt tattoo
Ah trust in good ol’ Mutt to get to you
Track Name: Five Times Naked
I been datin’ this girl since a half past three
I’d never heard of or taken any peyote
She told me that it’d make our love feel pure
I wasn’t wearin’ nothin’ but a couple of
Jingly-jangly spurs

I was five times naked
I was five times naked
When they arrested me at the Portugal County jail

Hell they threw me in a cell not wearin’ a stitch
But I was sufferin’ from a case of the hanky-panky itch
Well the door came unlocked 'cause the power went out
I went a-streakin’ out the station with my pecker hangin’ out

Five times naked
I was five times naked
I was only tryin’ to get a little honey-tail

Well I was sweaty and lubed from the chemical reaction
And them old law dawgs couldn’t get no traction
They was a-huffin’ and a-puffin’ and a-too damn slow
They hollered Shunt hold still or we’ll never let you go

(Chorus X2)

Well mornin’ came quick so did two more breaks (from jail that is)
I was a-comin’ off the drug and a-startin’ to shake
They said your lady friend is here and she’s posted bail
I said let’s boogey on my yacht where I can’t land in jail

(Chorus X2)
Track Name: Another Gal's Black Eye
I’m wearin’ another gal’s black eye
I’m swearin’ at another gal and mama that ain’t right

She may love me like a man
But she can’t shove me like you can

I’m burnin’ another gal’s chicken pot pie
I’m learnin’ how another gal can make me cry

She may tell me that that she cares
But she don’t push me down the stairs

Cover up won’t cover up that shiner on my face
You told me you were the woman who would put me in my place

I’m sportin’ another gal’s tattoo
I’m courtin’ another gal’s black and blue

She might take me by the hand
But she won’t pelt me with a pan

I’m wearin’ another gal’s black eye
Track Name: Why Am I Still Here
I bought you some flowers and you just looked at me
I bought you some earrings and you just went to sleep
I said let's go to Vegas but you don't gamble or drink
With all this passion whirlin' around it kind of made me think

You don't like to fuck me
So why am I still here
Gettin' you to give me some lovin'
Is like gettin' me to give up beer
You don't like to fuck me
So I guess I'll just get on home
I told you once I won't tell you again
Being with you is like being alone

I read books on makin' love and books on the psyche of women
We were wanderin' 'round in a desert of love but we needed an oasis to swim in
I packed my bags but your attention simply could not be bought
So I thought I'd write you this here song and let you know some of my thoughts

(Chorus)

Eatin' S'mores and kissin' whores
And knockin' over discount liquor stores
I talked to a preacher and I talked to a nun
They said you son of a bitch you're a son of a gun

(Chorus)
Track Name: Old, Fat, Slow, And Christian
This here’s a little song I heard on the road from Texarkana to Louisibama. Now the interstate was backed up for seven miles and as many hours. Seven, if you’re doin’ the math. The problem, near as I could tell, was a run-down Plymouth Duster in front of me. Oh and that song I mentioned, goes a little somethin’ like ‘is.

Old, fat, slow, and Christian
Cloggin' up Highway Nine
You'd better lighten your load
Get off the Goddamned road
When the rapture comes a-callin’
It'll leave you behind

You’re old, fat, slow, and Christian
You might as well be settin' still
Step on the gas
And move your righteous ass
If Jesus don't a-get you
Then I probably will

Breaker breaker 1-9, I hope you got your ears on son. Now I ain't never been a spiritual man, but what the hell Lordy, if you're listenin', I guess that makes me prayin'. Used to be that callin' yourself a believer meant never livin' life in the fast lane. Well these days that just ain’t the case is it Mister Christ? In fact nowadays, seems the only thing in the fast lane is convoy after convoy of old, fat, and slow Christians. Now look, I only want the best for this world and I guess that's why I'm humbly asking you to take their big, fat lives in a real old-testamentational kind of way. I’ll tell you what, you do that much for me, and well hell, I'll promise to keep my pedal down and my powder dry. Make the smokeys stall and the ladies sigh. I’m 10-10 in the shade, pickle-parked and Taylor made. No I’m not done! Don’t you drown me out! You listen to me, Lord! You and me got a score to settle! By God, I’m gonna see you dead! Permanently this time!

Old, fat, slow, and Christian
Walkin’ places in your car
Start pullin’ your weight
Exit the interstate
I'm clearin' out a path
For all the ladies who are

Young, thin, fast, and sinful
Baby I like your style
Let’s double it down
Pull in the nearest town
Buy a little house
That we can live in a while

Until we're old, fat, slow, and Christian
Track Name: Stop Lookin' At Me
Well I was in your house and you was all alone
I was brutally handsome you wanted to get you some
Then you took off your shirt and I took off my blouse
You started chokin' my Jedi like you were David Prowse

Stop lookin' at me with your queer eyes
Stop lookin' at me while I rub your thighs
Stop lookin' at me just leave me alone
Stop lookin' at me while I give you the bone

Well we were doin' forensics on how your pants came off
I was questioning your pelvis you smoked my Davidoff
I knew I had a purpose you were forgettin’ your name
And then two minutes later we left the flesh-trophy-train

You were sellin' me a truck an hour ago
Now you're starring in the Shunt McGuppin rodeo
I was playin' poker and you was playin' fish
And your lazy eye didn’t help my nervous twitch

Well Christ that was awkward I was on your hair
Now we can't seem to find our underwear
I'm so glad that I met you you wish you hadn't met me
May I ask are you allergic to herpes

(Chorus)

Looky-looky loo Baby
I got the tangy-wangy stew Darlin'
I’m gonna funky mashy tasty
I got a hickamaroo
Track Name: Red Meat And Depression
Red meat and depression
Another lonely night
A TV tray confession
Another lonely bite

Red meat and depression
I feel it in my gut
Leftover obsession
Life’s a low-down tender cut

You’re grillin’ my ass instead of fillin’ my glass
Now I’d like another beer
You can call it my fault just pass me the salt
And I’ll sprinkle my wounds my dear

You went off of the pill when I went up on Faith Hill
Now you’re havin’ a twin or two
And you live in a van with that lesbian man
Just doin’ as sinners do

Red meat and depression
Cloggin’ up my veins
Overcooked aggression
Heartaches and hunger pains
Heartaches and hunger pains
Heartaches and hunger pains
Track Name: Around The World (In Eighty Lays)
There’s country roads and horny toads we’re roses in Jim Beam
And there’s parkin’ lots and vacant spots where you and me make three

‘Cause I’d like to ball ya in Somalia
Go behind ya in Carolinya
Gonna poke ya in Nova Scotia
Then get drunk in Aberdeen
And I wish you well ‘cause you’re havin’ my baby
I wish you well ‘til she’s eighteen

There’s wishin’ wells and dizzy spells and catnip in the tea
An abandoned house and a tattered blouse and your panties in a tree

I’m gonna bang ya in Da Nangya
Gonna bone ya in Macedonia
Gonna fuck ya in Kentuckya
Take a smoke in Tel Aviv
And I wish you well ‘cause you’re havin’ my baby
I wish you well ‘til she’s eighteen

Well there’s frilly thongs and whiskey songs and coffee without cream
You got a warm back seat you’re a tasty treat I’m gonna bounce you on my knee

And then I’ll Drill ya in Amarillya
Gonna fill ya in Brazilya
Dig to China in your vaginya
Then get lunch in Schenectady

And I wish you well ‘cause you’re havin’ my baby
I wish you well ‘til she’s eighteen
And I wish you well ‘til she’s eighteen