Old, Fat, Slow, And Christian

from Mount Us More by Superego

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This here’s a little song I heard on the road from Texarkana to Louisibama. Now the interstate was backed up for seven miles and as many hours. Seven, if you’re doin’ the math. The problem, near as I could tell, was a run-down Plymouth Duster in front of me. Oh and that song I mentioned, goes a little somethin’ like ‘is.

Old, fat, slow, and Christian
Cloggin' up Highway Nine
You'd better lighten your load
Get off the Goddamned road
When the rapture comes a-callin’
It'll leave you behind

You’re old, fat, slow, and Christian
You might as well be settin' still
Step on the gas
And move your righteous ass
If Jesus don't a-get you
Then I probably will

Breaker breaker 1-9, I hope you got your ears on son. Now I ain't never been a spiritual man, but what the hell Lordy, if you're listenin', I guess that makes me prayin'. Used to be that callin' yourself a believer meant never livin' life in the fast lane. Well these days that just ain’t the case is it Mister Christ? In fact nowadays, seems the only thing in the fast lane is convoy after convoy of old, fat, and slow Christians. Now look, I only want the best for this world and I guess that's why I'm humbly asking you to take their big, fat lives in a real old-testamentational kind of way. I’ll tell you what, you do that much for me, and well hell, I'll promise to keep my pedal down and my powder dry. Make the smokeys stall and the ladies sigh. I’m 10-10 in the shade, pickle-parked and Taylor made. No I’m not done! Don’t you drown me out! You listen to me, Lord! You and me got a score to settle! By God, I’m gonna see you dead! Permanently this time!

Old, fat, slow, and Christian
Walkin’ places in your car
Start pullin’ your weight
Exit the interstate
I'm clearin' out a path
For all the ladies who are

Young, thin, fast, and sinful
Baby I like your style
Let’s double it down
Pull in the nearest town
Buy a little house
That we can live in a while

Until we're old, fat, slow, and Christian


from Mount Us More, released July 2, 2013
Lyrics & Music by Matt Gourley

Mutt Taylor • Lead Vocals, Acoustic Guitar
Jimmy Blades • Hammond B-3, Bass, Drums
Cubby Lauderbourne • Lead Guitar
Katie Nuñez • BG Vocals
Robyn Roth • BG Vocals
Paul F. Tompkins • The Balladeer


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Superego Los Angeles, California

SUPEREGO: Profiles In Self-Obsession. Improvised, analyzed, and brought to you by Drs. Matt Gourley, Jeremy Carter, Mark McConville, and Paul F. Tompkins.

Guest appearances by Patton Oswalt, Neko Case, John Hodgman, Jason Sudeikis, Greg Proops, Erinn Hayes, Andy Daly, Kristen Schaal, Thomas Lennon, and many more. SUPEREGO: PAST SEASONS and BONUS EPISODES available at goSuperego.com.
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